Sam and Dean's Most Marvelous Fangirl Adventure
by Deanie McQueen
Summary: In which Sam and Dean wish that names on screens continued to be just that: names on screens.
1. The Girl at the Gas Station

**Sam and Dean's Most Marvelous Fangirl Adventure  
****(An Epic Saga of Sam, Dean, and Fangirls)**

_Chapter One - The Girl at the Gas Station_

* * *

The Internet is a scary place. Sam and Dean are scared of the Internet.

Very, very scared.

They have their reasons, of course. One might be this: they are real. Sam and Dean Winchester are very real and very here, even though their existence is made up of temporary housing and names that are not their own. They sleep and they eat and they shit and do all sorts of other human things. They get scared (they never admit it), they cry (they try their best not to, but sometimes the dead are very persistent, even past the salt and burns), and their feelings? They get hurt sometimes, thank you very much. Sam and Dean have delicate heads, if you must know, as alcoholic orphans of ambiguous moral standing tend to have. And they are _offended._

They are offended that so many people in this terrifying digital hellhole known as the World Wide Web (of Endless Debauchery and Character Assassination) believe them to be nothing more than ridiculously attractive puppets.

"We're not here for their amusement," Dean groused one day, snapping his little brother's laptop closed. He stuffed half a panini, dripping with meat and condiments, into his mouth before continuing. "And I don't cry that much. Or make that many gay jokes. Or have an eating disorder."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Dean," Sam sighed. "And how many times do I have to tell you to stop going to that site? _Dude_, wash your hands before you touch my computer again..."

Dean can't seem to stop going to that site, though. He stopped for a while, sure, because Sam put parental locks on that shit, clearly afraid of what reading fictional stories loosely based on their lives involving nonsensical traumatic events and unsavory sexual encounters was doing to his older brother - but it didn't last.

It might have, but then she came along.

Her name is Samantha Lovington, or it isn't really. Samantha Lovington is her pen name. It used to be sammywsbbgirl2846, but she decided that Samantha Lovington was classier. Dean knows this already, because he's seen her profile.

Here is a snippet of said profile:

* * *

_**Put this in your profile if Sam Winchester is the hottest guy eva!**_

_lol oh im changing my name to Samantha Lovington because i think its classier than sammywsbbgirl2846 but its still me u guys and its okay because im still going to be writing my story i just think its better this way lol omg did you ssee sam last night he was so hot when he choked that monster i didnt like that girl tho she was kind of dumb and omg dean ate food looool_

_**If you think Sam Winchester RULES put this in your profile!**_

_**

* * *

**_

And so on. Dean was perfectly happy when she was just a name on the screen. She provided good teasing fodder for whenever Sam was being especially fussy - but then she wasn't just a name on the screen anymore.

Not anymore, she's not.

She's a girl. At a gas station.

A random fucking gas station in the middle of nowhere and she's all alone and she knows them. She knows their faces and their lives and the stories she's managed to twist into reality in her head.

Dean blinks at her. Sam blinks at her.

The wind blows dusty earth against red shoes, a sunshine yellow t-shirt against a slight frame.

Her eyes are wide and hazel and full of the kind of innocent awe Dean's only ever seen on children's playgrounds. Or in mental institutions.

"omg," she says. "omg sam and dean are at a gas station and their looking at me omg looool"

Dean hears the small breath Sam sucks in by his side.

"I..." Sam trails off and swallows. He looks at Dean with eyes that are amazed and terrified. "Dean, I...I can hear the lowercase. Can you hear the lowercase?"

Dean can hear the lowercase. He nods slowly. "I can," he says. "I can hear the lowercase."

"And the improper grammar?" Sam asks. "And the lack of punctuation?"

Dean can hear all of these things when she speaks. He doesn't know how. He just knows his hands are itching for Sam's laptop. He just knows that he has to return to that site because visiting that site is no longer a form of self-destructive behavior, but research.

And research is very important.

"omg," she says again.

Dean blinks. Sam blinks.

"I must study you," Sam says, and his tone is so ridiculously serious that Dean almost laughs.

He doesn't laugh, though. He's too fucking weirded out to laugh. He just stands by and fills up his gas tank while the author formerly known as sammywsbbgirl2846 climbs into the back of his beloved car without any kind of verbal invitation.

She makes herself comfortable.

Sam swallows again, closes his eyes like he's readying himself for a jump down a cliff that will inevitably end in blood and guts and flattened limbs.

"Sammy..." Dean trails off.

"I think this is a case," Sam says. "I really do, Dean. I think this has to be a case."

Dean sucks in a breath and finishes filling up his car. Sam gets into the passenger seat, but Dean has to give himself a moment before getting behind the wheel. He stands outside with his hand on the door handle. The air is crisp and cool and part of him wishes this were a dream and that he'll wake up any moment now.

Because he's visited that site. He knows what he is and what he isn't and what people who don't know him want him to be.

"Fuckin' A," he grumbles.

And he opens the door.

And he gets in.


	2. The Girl Who Reviews

**Sam and Dean's Most Marvelous Fangirl Adventure  
****(An Epic Saga of Sam, Dean, and Fangirls)**

_Chapter Two: The Girl Who Reviews_

_

* * *

_

It takes approximately forty-five minutes for Dean to ask if they can shoot her, yet.

"Can we shoot her, yet?" he asks, raising his voice to be heard over Metallica and Samantha Lovington.

"No, Dean," Sam sighs. "We can't shoot her. She's just a kid."

Sam wants to shoot her, too. Dean can tell. And she's not _really_ a kid. She's probably about twenty, maybe nineteen, which, yeah...kid. But not _kid_ kid. Not growing-limbs-asking-Mom-for-peanut-butter-and-jelly-watching-Nickelodeon kid. Well, maybe Nickelodeon. Dean still watches Nickelodeon. Sometimes. And Dean, as you must know, is often shot.

Take note: getting shot hurts, but it never hurts bad enough for Dean to collapse into a childish, sobbing mess in Sam's arms.

They try to drown her out with music. Even Sam, who hates Dean's penchant for all things loud and obnoxious, reaches for the knob and takes it up a notch, because she won't stop talking.

"omg" she says, over and over again. "omg sam and dean are in the impala and dean drives really fast lol i wonder if the police will come after us soon i hope not that would be really bad dean has a criminal record and he drives with the music really loud OMG SAM IS SO HOT and dean is laughing really hard looooooooool looooooooool omg sam just hit dean-"

"Dude, don't hit me!"

"Well, stop _laughing_ at me! What is she even doing?"

Dean turns the volume down. He knows exactly what she's doing, even though he doesn't know why she's doing it. He doesn't know why she's bothering.

"She's reviewing us," he says, raising his voice just enough to be heard over the sound of Samantha's blabbering.

"She-" Sam stops, looks as if his mind has been blown for just that second. "She's...reviewing us?"

"Yeah, you heard me. She's reviewing us."

It takes Sam a few more moments, looking between the blabbering girl - "-and now sam's looking back at me lol i wonder what he smells like i want to smell him-" and his brother, "oh no omg now hes looking at dean he loves his brother so much sam is so kind and good lmao"

"She's not _reviewing _us, Dean," he finally says. "She's just narrating everything we're doing with some opinions and disturbing desires interspersed here and there."

"Yeah, I know. That's how she reviews."

Dean knows this. Sometimes when he's bored, he doesn't even read the stories. He just reads the reviews. And Samantha Lovington's reviews? They're some of his favorites to be honest.

Here is an example of such a review:

_omg i can't believe sam was such an a**hole and dean tried to kill himself how could he tell dean to go to hell like that dean has been to hell he went to hell for 40 years and he was tortured by alastair omg sam im really mad at you you discust me but im so glad he came back and saved dean before it was to late and it was really cute when sam held dean in his arms and told him he loved him lol update soon_

And so on.

"Well, that's not helpful at all," Sam says. He turns around just enough to glance at their passenger. "Samantha, that's not helpful at all."

"omg sams talking to me hes so hot i hope he drowns-"

"_What?"_

"Just let her finish, man."

"-so dean can resuscitate him omg that would be so adorable i hope he gets a fever lol and dean can take his temp and take care of him until hes better omg update soon"

"Who is she telling to 'update soon,' exactly?"

"Don't worry about it."

Sam doesn't worry about it. Or he might, but he tries not to show it, just huffs in that Sammy Sam way of his and shakes his head a little before looking out the window.

"sam huffed and dean rolled his eyes and now theyre not talking lol"

They continue not to talk. If they don't do anything but sit and drive and look she has nothing to narrate, or review, or whatever it is she's doing.

The sun's setting when they stop for dinner. They don't go inside, though, for fear that Samantha Lovington will repeat their orders back in grammatically incorrect sentences without pauses to the waitress and narrate their food consumption bite by bite.

So Sam goes in by himself and comes out with two tuna sandwiches one with extra onions, one large fry, one house salad, and one adult-sized portion of alphabet-shaped macaroni and cheese.

"Seriously?" Dean asks him, while the girl is too busy chowing down to repeat their actions.

Sam shrugs. "It might be educational. How far are we from Bobby's?"

They're about half a day away from Bobby's. A little downtime won't go amiss and it will provide ample time for Sam to study this remarkable new creature they just stumbled upon.

...Or so they think.


End file.
